Saturday, December 28, 2013

So, WAS 2013 The Dumbest Year?

Posted by Unknown

It’s the end of 2013 and as is customary, the internet is being gobbled up with reminiscences about the year. I’ve never paid much attention to this norm (apart from watching “Top 10 Tamil Songs of the Year”, on Sun TV during school days, attributable largely to boredom & lack of DTH services and to a very small extent to being lame) but this year was different. For me, 2013 was a vastly relaxed (barring my attempt at CA Final Exams), meaningful (barring my attempt at CA Final Exams) and to a great degree, a productive year (barring my attempt at CA Final Exams).

However, after reading this article on the 33 Dumbest Things That Happened in 2013, it was time for some re-evaluation. In the very very few areas that I take a keen interest in, 2013 was nothing short of a dramatic tragedy. The NaMo revolution may have replaced the Nano saga, Mars maybe the next Star Wars, NSA seems to be spying on US Citizens, Sachin Tendulkar bid a tearful goodbye while Andy Murray gave Britain a Wimbledon after 77 years and the Aam Aadmi Party won its first election in Delhi. If this seems about right to you, then you have missed the big picture. Here’s how:
(forgive my fondness for numbered articles)

1.   Chocolate is on the verge of extinction.
Bold. CAPITALS. Self-explanatory.
*faints*
*recovers*
*stocks up on as much Nutella as is possible without raising suspicion*

2.   Karan Johar is back with KWK Season 4.
Now, he’s ‘dancing.’ Ouch. Like the world needs reminding that the end is approaching. I’ve never had much respect for the man thanks to his bright green jackets and the shameless giggling to his own jokes but my disrespect has reached new levels after seeing him ‘dance.’ What is with the ambition Karan? No really? Couldn’t you have stopped at pretending you could make movies? Now you have to flap your arms and legs around to prove to the world that you are, indeed, a loser? No amount of shouting “I’m baaacckkkk” is adding to your attractiveness. Or lack thereof. So next time, take a hint. Get married. And stay at home.

3.   Amazing is now Amazeballs.
Tweeps, Lollage, Laymanize, Squadoosh, Zhoosh, Verbal Diarrhoea and Mantyhose were some of the many astoundingly preposterous, ridiculous and bizarre words that were added to the dictionary in the last year that made me wonder if my education was of any use in this new age. As if learning (and seeing) what twerking was wasn’t enough. FOMO? YOLO.

4.   Another Kardashian enters the world.
And her name is North West. There is never a dull moment in the lives of the Kardashians is there? Enough said. The more the tabloids obsess over the Kardashians, the more episodes they make of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I know for a fact that we will never be able to keep up. Emotionally, mentally or physically.

5.   You can now print a gun. And yes, it may fire.
While groundbreaking innovations are laudable in the areas of healthcare and artificial intelligence, it’s a matter of opinion whether the 3D printer was put to the best use by printing a handgun, claimed to be ‘the guns of the future.’ At what cost? US $30 and the innocence of the former candy bearing children. So have you printed yours yet? Is it any good?

6.  The Big Fat International Wedding.
No, we are not talking about Princess Madeleine of Sweden and Chris O’Neil. The bride and groom in news is of course, Nokia-Microsoft. The marriage was widely proclaimed as a deal “not even a mother could love.” That ensured that Microsoft retained its reputation for acquisitions that were legen-wait-for-it-dary in their awfulness. Amidst the chaos with this union, poor Blackberry had no takers. All this means is that it’s time, yet again, to embrace Made in China. Cheers.

7.   iPhone 5C. At the price of a Jacuzzi. Made me woozy.
They claim that the ‘C’ stands for Colorful and Cheap. Maybe it should stand for Cheat. Or Con. Or just Crime. Certainly not sublime. I promise, no more rhyme.

Let's wrap it up before I find ways to get that 3D printed gun and use it on myself. Personally, I owe it to Max Black, Jesse Pinkman, Sheldon Cooper, John Reese, Harvey Specter, McDreamy, McSteamy and the ever comforting Chandler Bing without who I would have been like:




Happy New Year y’all!

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