So, WAS 2013 The Dumbest Year?
Posted by Unknown
It’s the end of 2013 and as is
customary, the internet is being gobbled up with reminiscences about the year.
I’ve never paid much attention to this norm (apart from watching “Top 10 Tamil
Songs of the Year”, on Sun TV during school days, attributable largely to
boredom & lack of DTH services and to a very small extent to being lame)
but this year was different. For me, 2013 was a vastly relaxed (barring my
attempt at CA Final Exams), meaningful (barring my attempt at CA Final Exams)
and to a great degree, a productive year (barring my attempt at CA Final Exams).
However, after reading this
article on the 33
Dumbest Things That Happened in 2013, it
was time for some re-evaluation. In the very very few areas that I take a keen
interest in, 2013 was nothing short of a dramatic tragedy. The NaMo revolution
may have replaced the Nano saga, Mars maybe the next Star Wars, NSA seems to be
spying on US Citizens, Sachin Tendulkar bid a tearful goodbye while Andy Murray
gave Britain a Wimbledon after 77 years and the Aam Aadmi Party won its first
election in Delhi. If this seems about right to you, then you have missed the
big picture. Here’s how:
(forgive my fondness for numbered
articles)
1. Chocolate is on the verge of extinction.
Bold. CAPITALS. Self-explanatory.
*faints*
*recovers*
*stocks up on as much Nutella as
is possible without raising suspicion*
2. Karan Johar is back with KWK Season 4.
Now, he’s ‘dancing.’ Ouch. Like
the world needs reminding that the end is approaching. I’ve never had much
respect for the man thanks to his bright green jackets and the shameless
giggling to his own jokes but my disrespect has reached new levels after seeing
him ‘dance.’ What is with the ambition Karan? No really? Couldn’t you have
stopped at pretending you could make movies? Now you have to flap your arms and
legs around to prove to the world that you are, indeed, a loser? No amount of
shouting “I’m baaacckkkk” is adding to your attractiveness. Or lack thereof. So
next time, take a hint. Get married. And stay at home.
3. Amazing is now Amazeballs.
Tweeps, Lollage, Laymanize,
Squadoosh, Zhoosh, Verbal Diarrhoea and Mantyhose were some of the many astoundingly
preposterous, ridiculous and bizarre words that were added to the dictionary in
the last year that made me wonder if my education was of any use in this new
age. As if learning (and seeing) what twerking was wasn’t enough. FOMO? YOLO.
4. Another Kardashian enters the world.
And her name is North West. There
is never a dull moment in the lives of the Kardashians is there? Enough said.
The more the tabloids obsess over the Kardashians, the more episodes they make
of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I know for a fact that we will never
be able to keep up. Emotionally, mentally or physically.
5. You can now print a gun. And yes, it may fire.
While groundbreaking innovations
are laudable in the areas of healthcare and artificial intelligence, it’s a
matter of opinion whether the 3D printer was put to the best use by printing a
handgun, claimed to be ‘the guns of the future.’ At what cost? US $30 and the
innocence of the former candy bearing children. So have you printed yours yet?
Is it any good?
6. The Big Fat International Wedding.
No, we are not talking about
Princess Madeleine of Sweden and Chris O’Neil. The bride and groom in news is
of course, Nokia-Microsoft. The marriage was widely proclaimed as a deal “not
even a mother could love.” That ensured that Microsoft retained its reputation
for acquisitions that were legen-wait-for-it-dary in their awfulness. Amidst
the chaos with this union, poor Blackberry had no takers. All this means is
that it’s time, yet again, to embrace Made in China. Cheers.
7. iPhone 5C. At the price of a Jacuzzi. Made me woozy.
They claim that the ‘C’ stands
for Colorful and Cheap. Maybe it should stand for Cheat. Or Con. Or just Crime.
Certainly not sublime. I promise, no more rhyme.
Let's wrap it up
before I find ways to get that 3D printed gun and use it on myself. Personally,
I owe it to Max Black, Jesse Pinkman, Sheldon Cooper, John Reese, Harvey
Specter, McDreamy, McSteamy and the ever comforting Chandler Bing without who I
would have been like:
Happy New Year y’all!
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