Do's and Don'ts

Do's and Don'ts

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After constant nagging, portrayal of vivid & disturbing images of a diseased future and amma-ponnu sentiment, I finally succumbed to the pressure and agreed to go walking every day morning and give my parents some hope that I won’t die of obesity by the age of 25. The experience has been nothing short of enriching. It’s been an eye-opener, if not life altering.

Here’s an account of my observations from the daily 40-minute routine. Those who are about to embark upon a similar exercise need to pay careful attention to what follows:

5. Always carry a music player

The world is polluted with obnoxious know-it-all’s who consider themselves proficient in every subject ranging from Vishwaroopam’s delayed release to tax planning to Nithyashree’s husband’s suicide to Obama’s re-election to power cuts. To make matters worse, they have a voice that is raucous and stentorian. The only thing that can beat this daily dose of unwanted morning news would be your ever faithful music player. Hold on to it tight.

4. Do not allow your mother to accompany you

A social butterfly by your side does not serve the purpose if you want to go unnoticed. It doesn’t help that the butterfly has a well connected husband butterfly, all of whose friends seem to thrive at the walking grounds. The real trouble begins when the husband butterfly’s friends are curious about you. Either they don’t realise that you are his daughter (*insult*) or they comment on how much you have grown (a little too emphatically) since they last saw you at Chotu’s birthday party 10 years ago. I have two things to say to such snoopy dogs – One, if someone doesn’t grow in 10 years, it probably means he or she a Benjamin Button child and two, seen a mirror lately?

3. Do not make eye contact. With anyone.

Not only are they committing a fashion crime by wearing those godawful leopard print ear muffs, they have the nerve to endorse it to those (like me) who don’t wear them for two reasons: One, it’s Vellore. How cold can it get? Two, those things are sickening beyond description.

2. Never look around.

Unless you are a native of Delhi and miss the cold weather, do not ever look around. ‘cuz the scene that unfolds itself uncannily resembles something you would see only in Delhi or Shimla. It drops to 21 degrees and these characters, without even a little conscience, come out in gloves, trench coats and thermals. Seeing this, you start to sweat profusely and your 40 minute walk is cut short by 10 minutes for want of water and air.

1. Ensure that your bowels move before you move

You do not want nature calling you in the middle of your 4^th round of walking. You are unreachable and nature does not like it when you are busy or unreachable. What follows is a... Well, it’s self-explanatory.

To healthy living people!!