Aunty Ji, Aunty Ji. Shut Up and Bounce?

Aunty Ji, Aunty Ji. Shut Up and Bounce?

Posted by Unknown

Dear Aunty,

I am doing great, or to respond to your post on Facebook, I am rocking and my studies are bitchin’. I could have clicked on ‘Write a comment’ but there is this itch that I have been having ever since you became active on Facebook and I realised that the time has come to scratch the crap out of it. Yes crap. It means ‘something of extremely poor quality’ or ‘excremate’ or ‘defecate’ according to Wikipedia from where you seem to grasp a hold of trending vocabulary and use it in its precise sense (remember “I am at the Kabaleeshwarar temple, praying to OMG for my granddaughter’s health”?)

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for the technological revolution that your generation currently seem to be a dynamic part of. It is a necessity that defines our every action and not embracing it would be a taking a step backwards for humanity. A Robert A. Heinlein said, “Don’t explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.” That’s precisely how it started, with teaching mothers how to use dictionary mode in mobile phones to explaining the concept of ‘like’ and ‘tag’ on Facebook, while desperately hoping we don’t get tagged in your self-centered, way too personal statuses that make Kate Winslet in Reader seem mellow and certainly not ‘over-exposing’. Before you reach for Google, Kate Winslet is that British Akka from Titanic and Reader is not a movie that I would recommend you to see. No not even IMDb; for your sake.

But as it turns out, either we didn’t do a good job or you guys just decided to exploit the fake power that the internet bestowed upon you, the former being highly unlikely as we are awesome and the only reason we may have not divulged certain facts was because it would expose our coolness. Basically it all leads to one simple question. How much is too much?

Idea Cellular probably couldn’t do a better job at subtly conveying that we don’t want to be subject to mommy sentiments on a public forum. No amount of nagging, especially in the form of pings on Whatsapp, to accept your friend request on Facebook or follow you on Twitter is going to change our minds. There is a thin yet fine line between checking into a restaurant and describing the entire menu, complete with your interactions with the waiter and your thoughts on how the food could improve, evidenced by 33 photos in every possible angle. Food reviews are for Zomato and Instagram is ideal to post photos of fine dining (please don’t find me on Instagram) but neither is an excuse to abuse your neighbor’s free WiFi. And while we are on the subject, how DO you have as much free time as you do, liking and commenting in a matter of a few seconds?

My intention is not to make this seem satirical but to delicately tell you that it is embarrassing to have to listen to my friends make fun of my Aunty Ji and her quick wit or see them roll their eyes at your comments. And that is not a compliment in case you are still having some trouble with sarcasm. To connect with friends and family at the snap of a finger is genius, but to endure the taunts as a result of sharing intimate daily routines that range from the sudden water stoppage and its consequences to what one does when there is a power shut down seems to make the effort both worthless and pointless. It may sound like I am coming down hard on you and your generation but trust me, both your sons (who have blocked you on Facebook BTW, which is why you don’t receive notifications from them, not because they are the gems you consider them to be) would thank me. Because someone had to let the cat out of the bag before we decided to delete all our social accounts. For good.

I will always love you no matter how many times you call me “My cute Pattani” on Facebook.

Yours sincerely,

Archana

(and the generation that grew up cringing every time we got a notification from the likes of you)