Life is easier, with my Ears closed

Life is easier, with my Ears closed

Posted by Unknown

I always dread the few hours that my Mom leaves me in charge of the house, not because of the responsibility that comes with it, that includes chasing away squirrels that come into the house through peep-holes we didn’t know existed and convincing the vegetable vendor that we have sufficient stock of vegetables that would last for a week (Really Anna!), but because of the monologue I would have to endure from our Maid.

She would give the makers of Thirumathi Selvam and Athipookal a run for their money if her life was made into a Tamil serial (Read: Sob Story). After the first time I played audience to her dramatic rendition of “My Daughter-in-law Has Turned My Son Against Me,” I have a new found respect for my Mom and her tolerance level for the daily dose of maid-bitching.

So here I am today, listening to her rants about her family’s deteriorating health, her vastly crude knowledge of the human body and her profound abuses against the Medical Community, while my Mom was out helping one of my relatives shop for Gold Bangles, the need of the hour. But it is the following conversation that ensued, which left me speechless:

(The conversation happened in Tamil and has been captured in their precise words so that the sentiments can be better conveyed and understood, but the translation is also available beneath them)

She: Yemma Amma sonaanga nee ipo yaaro pudhu doctor kita pora nu, avar enga irukaaru?

(Your mom mentioned that you were consulting a new Doctor, where is his clinic?)

Me: *confused look*

She: Adhaan ma avar per kooda Umapathy nu sonaanga Amma

(Your mother said that his name is Umapathy)

Me: Illaye en Doctor peru Sudhakar

(No my Doctor goes by the name Sudhakar)

She: Illa Illa! Amma kandipa Umapathy nu dhaan sonanga. Nethu kooda poitu vandhiyame?

(No no! I am sure she said Umapathy and you visited him yesterday also apparently)

Me: Oh! Homeopathy ah???

(Do you mean Homeopathy?)

She: Aama Aama avar dhaan!

(Yes yes, him!)

I tried hard to stifle my laughter and instead, began to explain to her, the concept of Homeopathy. After 10 minutes of educating her and giving her the directions to the clinic, while she nodded along enthusiastically, I felt strangely content, like Sudha Murthy even.

Me: Anga poitu Dr. Sudhakar paaka vandhirken nu solunga.

(Once you get to the clinic, tell them you want to see Dr. Sudhakar)

She: Aiyo illama Amma ena Umapathy ah dhaan paaka solichu nee ena ipo Sudhakar nu enamo solra?

(Oh no! Your mom asked me to consult Dr. Umapathy, why are you saying some Sudhakar now?)

*Astounded silence for a few minutes*

Me: Illa avar ipo per maathitaaru

(No, he has changed his name now)